The Sexiest Tomboy Beanpole On The Planet

whitebreadandjam: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it ready for you.
j_gurli13: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u?
whitebreadandjam: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
j_gurli13: haha, ok lets go.
j_gurli13: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
whitebreadandjam: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
j_gurli13: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
j_gurli13: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
whitebreadandjam: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
j_gurli13: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
whitebreadandjam: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fucking charge your ass.
j_gurli13: stop, cmon be serious.
whitebreadandjam: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to charge your ass.
whitebreadandjam: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
j_gurli13: fuck off-i'm gone.
whitebreadandjam: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in the air on my mighty horn.
j_gurli13: *j_gurli13 has left the room*

Well- I'm still here

I've been busy so SHOOT me. At least I'm posting more than RACHELS BLOG.

I'm currently casting two short films which is eating up much of my time. MATTHEW PERRY'S half-sister came in to read for a part today. She's also the Daughter of a well know DATELINE NBC REPORTER--- and I thought I was a big let down to the family-ZING!

Take that you out of work ACTOR! I'm sorry but they are such easy targets.

In other news my friend COLIN and I have been selected to be on a new game show for the Comedy Network that has yet to air. It's Called "You Bet Your Ass". The website tells perspective audience members that they will get to watch contestants "squirm on national television". When I signed up for this thing there was NO mention of squirming. I'm just a little worried now as to what they are going to make us do. But... you can be sure of one thing with me and Colin dueling it out--- in the words of the cinematic masterwork SAWII "Oh yes, there will be blood!".

I'm turing this post into a movie---featuring Peter O'Toole as the Crumudgeonly Lighthouse Keeper and Jodie Foster as Susan. It's called "The Nurse Patient".



Susan: Home for the night?

Crumudgeonly Lighthouse Keeper: This is every Saturday night for me. Just tending the lamp!

Susan: Wait... why?

Crumudgeonly Lighthouse Keeper: I'm not sure. It usually ends when I tie my bedsheets around my neck in a noose-but they always seem to come undone when I jump.

Susan: (LOL) You should take a knot making class-you know? Widen your horizons.

Crumudgeonly Lighthouse Keeper: Yes, maybe I should. At any rate it allows me to save money.

Susan: Oh- Crumudgeonly Lighthouse Keeper... it's too late now but you should have called me and told me you had nothing to do! You are welcome to come out with me and my friends... I mean, they are mostly all fish mongers but it passes the time.

Crumudgeonly Lighthouse Keeper: Are you high?

Susan: No, but I'm planning on drinking tonight.

Crumudgeonly Lighthouse Keeper: Well, thanks for the invite- but I'm a misfit... what can I say?!

Susan: That's cool but you could still come chill sometime.

Crumudgeonly Lighthouse Keeper: I tried to chill once, I'm physically unable.

Susan: I mean I don't really think you're THAT COOL, ya know? But maybe I could get some "action" from you. Depends on how much you drink I guess.

Crumudgeonly Lighthouse Keeper: Well, I think you're cool Susan.

Susan: Ya-you know... I can be... I DO have great hair!

-fin-

I HAVE A PENIS

Sweet Fancy Jesus-I'm in trouble...

Class is tomorrow at 8AM and, once again, I've become totally nocturnal during my break. It's almost 12 now and I'm not even the slightest bit groggy. I guess this problem will be corrected very quickly and painfully for me tomorrow morning.

RESOLUTIONS FOR THIS SEMESTER:
1-- I will drink less coffee (it is starting to eat away at my insides). I have a hole in my stomach now, through which you can see tiny angles, weeping.
2-- I will write the sequel to the 2000 film "Space Cowboys" staring Clint Eastwood.
3-- I will inject various vitamins, minerals and formulas directly into my genitals, in order to give me quote unquote "super powers".
4-- I will finally be in time to see Polkaroo!

A few weeks in Varna/ Stratford over-
If you filter cheap vodka through a Brita filter it DOESN'T taste any better (BUT manages to Make even Paul Reiser funny). A History Of Violence and Serenity are both excellent movies. I'll be back to regular postings soon enough... I seem, oddly enough, to spend many more hours in front of a computer once I'm in Oakville.

maybe some Haikus to pass the time---

I threw out my toothbrush- I KNOW you’re supposed to replace them every three months- but THIS was my travel toothbrush (I use an electric at home). It’s semi-unhealthy to develop a relationship with an inanimate object but sometimes I can’t help it. I could tell it was time for him to go when he started to shed his green rubber skin whenever I brushed. This fact didn’t stop me from getting a little emotional when I tossed him (gently) into the garbage can. I thought of all the good times we’ve had together. This same toothbrush traveled to Stratford with me on my many visits, (he was a local: purchased at the Stratford Zerhs last September) he traveled with my across the Atlantic on my trip to Europe this spring, and helped me to brush away the stale taste of alcohol and spent drugs on many Sunday mornings. He will be missed.